thekingoflegoland:

singelisilverslippers:

alyharania:

singelisilverslippers:

ifeelbetterer:

galwednesday:

afearsomecritter:

peterssquill:

museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES

steve, reaching over the rope to poke at something on display: it’s my goddamn stuff???

#I work with enough  museum curators to be able to accurately picture their looks of absolute dead-eyed horror#at this meat-handed man pawing through the objects they’ve spent decades preserving#BUT ALSO IT’S HIS GODDAMN STUFF#so the mental image of the incredibly stiff and stilted surface-level polite conversation Steve would have with Smithsonian staff#both of them vibrating with indignation but unable to fully express it for PR reasons#is an endless source of entertainment for me via galwedenesday

#ah yes #the joys of attempting to figure out how to deaccession a bunch of shit#that previously belonged in the ‘no living claims’ category#and has for DECADES #what i would not give to see that paper trail tho#like was everything of Steve’s now owned by the Army upon being declared KIA and they donated it to the Smithsonian or what#MINUTIAE OF MUSEUM WORK IN THE MCU I WANT TO KNOW DAMMIT#like the museum has HAD to have dealt with fraudulent claims before so they’d have everything but ‘The Actual Original Owner’ showing up#locked down #okay but also #how long have they had this shit#when was any of this declassified via afearsomecritter

I’M SAYIN’, every single level of management at the Smithsonian must have had an extensively well-documented migraine after dealing with the colossal shitshow raised by such thrilling items as “sock (woolen)” pulled from the pack of one “Rogers, Steve G., 1918 - 1945 lol whoops he’s back″

#okay but where is the fic#where is the story about a beleaguered smithsonian curator named michelle who one day realizes she has ’S. Rogers’ on her schedule#which was made after her boss had a screaming match with somebody named Carlson or Coulson or Colton or something#which happened after that reaaaaaaal embarrassing ‘break-in’ which is in quotes#because fucking KYLE just LET Rogers IN#and when very nicely asked why the fuck he did that KYLE#said ‘i mean he’s captain america right? it’s his stuff isn’t it??’#and michelle’s boss went off to murder someone#and michelle just sighed and had josh bring kyle some coffee#and explained to kyle that no she really did have to fire him#he’s been a great security guard but he literally had one job to do#but then the day AFTER that#fucking KYLE comes waltzing back in with a fucking LETTER#from fucking CAPTAIN AMERICA#asking if ms. michelle onadiche could see her way to reinstating FUCKING KYLE#in exchange for ‘the property belonging to S. Rogers and housed at the Smithsonian Museum for purposes of edification to the public#and michelle very carefully puts her head on the desk and wonders who taught Steve Rogers to use ‘ms’ so meanly#anyway I’m just saying #avengers shmavengers (tags by @leupagus)

#SO LIKE HERE’S THE FUN THING  #the smithsonian doesn’t deaccession A N Y T H I N G  #they have things that are rotting to pieces and old plastic destroying itself and RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL that any SANE MUSEUM would have  #GOTTEN THE FUCK OUT OF THERE  #but because it’s PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES GUMMINT due to it being the national museum (system thing)  #you can’t throw away so much as a paperclip #if it’s been accessioned  #(there’s a paperclip collection at american history don’t @ me)#(american history is america’s junk drawer it’s hell on earth)  #so steve would be like ‘hey that’s my stuff’ and the smithsonian would start S W E A T I N G  B U L L E T S  #because deaccessioning captain america’s personal belongings? is basically steve rogers stealing government property  #which he does! all the time!  #but they aren’t supposed to let him do that  #and the paperwork is going to be: the worst  #and possibly require an act of congress  #and also FINDING IT IN AMERICAN HISTORY OOOOOH MY GOD like three years after  #THE COLLECTIONS CALAMITY WE DO NOT SPEAK OF (but that we all got published for thank fuck we got something out of it)  #someone finds like a stash of photos and a map and a few trinkets in a cabinet  #that had gotten lost in collection  #‘we have to tell him!’ says the intern who found it  #so earnest! so young! so in grad school!  #‘we absolutely the fuck do not’ hisses michelle who will HAPPILY live out the rest of her days if steven fucking rogers NEVER  #DARKENS HER DOOR AGAIN  #the intern squeals obviously  #michelle fantasizes about murdering her and also captain america throughout the entire process and it almost gets her through  #the textile conservator who initially had to process the captain america suit after he ‘returned’ it the first time still hisses angrily at  #*steve like a cat whenever he walks by  #…this got away from me (via @alyharania)

like i said in my initial reblog… all the people building stories out of this make me laugh with delight, but smithsonian & dc museum people adding their tags give me LIFE

… also steven grant rogers would be KIND and COURTEOUS to the front-line museum staff and not ask them stupid questions and you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch

oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.

the collections and conservation staff however have sworn a blood oath of pure vengeance against him and nothing he ever does will change their minds. the textile conservator (we’ll call her lorraine) who had to restore the old captain america suit spent THREE YEARS OF HER LIFE on that stupid thing and it’s still too unstable to ever exhibit again. lorraine went through FIVE INTERNS, two of whom CRIED ON HER. she had to spend a fourth year making a replica because everyone was writing their representatives that the captain america suit wasn’t on display and they MADE HER DO IT.

like if steve thought any debrief in wwii he ever had sucked lol try lorraine, who has given up trying to catalogue what the fuck happened to that piece of shit suit and finally tracked down his cell phone number after six months of this hell project out of sheer bloody mindness and desperation and tricks him into her office through a series of absolute goddamn lies about idk public programming or some shit that steve might actually care about and then corners him and makes him give her a play by play of what, exactly, the fuck he did to that suit.

cuz, okay, listen. blah blah save the world blah blah, but steven grant rogers* stole a priceless museum artifact, bled on it, set it on fire, dropped it into the potomac, dragged it (WHILE WET) through river mud and god knows how many plants and bugs and microbes, got melting plastic and metal and shrapnel and other people’s body juices and skin and hair embedded in it–the only reason he lives is because he can give the full and accurate account of what the fuck he did to it and answer questions of how the fuck it can be slightly, slightly unfucked. not saved! not made to look like it was! certainly not able to be put on a mannequin and exhibited again! but like she can get some more of the mud and that chunk of charred plastic out maybe. otherwise, lorraine would have murdered that dumb bitch in a fit of justifiable rage, and no amount of charming “sorry ma’am”s would fucking save him.

#I LOVE STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WITH ALL MY HEART BUT IF I WAS THE MYTHIC LORRAINE#(who doesn’t exist because american history hates their costume and textile collection lolololol)#I WOULD STRANGLE STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WITH MY MEASURING TAPE AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AT ALL#*also yes i realize bucky barnes; hydra; etc. where also responsible for What The Fuck Happened To That Suit but steven grant rogers#would take responsibility for what happened to it#it’s not FAIR but also he’s a martyr#(the replica suit goes on display four years later and a scruffy guy with one arm and long hair is at the opening reception#kinda squinting at it#lorraine has already had like two cocktails because SHE’S DONE MOTHERFUCKERS NEW PROJECTS 4 HER#and he seems kinda nice #until she sees steve fucking rogers walk up to him#and overhears one arm dude say ‘didn’t i shoot you in that thing?’#she doesn’t get to hear steve explain that ‘ms. lorraine made a replica’ and ‘she’s brilliant’ and kind of scary#‘she said it wasn’t safe to put the old one on display so she made a new one’#because a red mist of rage has descended over her eyes#because she knows now who was responsible for the fucking bullet holes and all that FUCKING crusted blood and all that FUCKING MUD#her current intern#who is VERY excited about the new project they have preparing all the peggy carter mannequins for the SHIELD exhibit in three years#and is pretty sure they aren’t going to be able to intern if lorraine gets arrested#steers her back outside the gallery and back to the drinks and appetizers#michelle pats the new intern on the arm#‘you’ll go far young padawan’ she says and makes murder eyes at a polite looking steve rogers#who detours to chat with a docent instead) (via @alyharania)

that’s it imma marry this post

@libations-of-blood-and-wine

dccomicsbookshelf:

ayellowbirds:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

mercy-angel-09:

advanced-procrastination:

thebaconsandwichofregret:

fidgetelftree:

joshscorcher:

otherwise-called-squidpope:

logisticbumm:

detective-birdy:

smallflowernerd:

mousathe14:

raptorific:

I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true

[From Max Landis’ amazing “American Alien” series about Superman.]

SO GOOD

SCREAM 👏🏻 IT 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 BACK 👏🏻 SO EVERYONE 👏🏻 CAN 👏🏻 HEAR

His shit eating grin in the last one sells it

I love the idea of Clark Kent turning up to every office Halloween party in an ill-fitting Superman costume from Target.

Still one of my favorite clips from Superman: The Animated Series.

This has gotten bigger since I last saw it ant that’s FANTASTIC

Henry Cavill literally once stood in Time Square, in a superman t-shirt, under a giant poster of himself and no one recognised him, even though he was actively trying to be recognised.

I’ve never seen this post but it just became my favorite post on the internet

Wanna know the kicker?

In the first chapter of JLA’s “Divided We Fall Arc” both Clark and Bruce reveal their civilian identities to the rest of the League. This is post “Tower of Babel” where nobody but Clark still trusts Batman, and in order to start building trust again, Clark urges Bruce to unmask himself to the rest of the team because Bruce obviously knows who everyone else is. Bruce agrees on one condition, Clark has to “unmask” himself as well.

When the big reveal goes down, Kyle Rayner says it best re: Clark being Superman: “He doesn’t…wear a mask. I never even…thought he had a…day job…”

That’s right, the canon reason why nobody makes the connection between Superman and Clark Kent is because nobody thinks that Superman HAS a civilian identity.

Also, with a really good actor, Clark Kenting is entirely possible, as Christopher Reeve demonstrates in the 1978 Superman film.

There was actually a story where a scientist at Lexcorp developed a computer program to analyse all available evidence and work out who Superman is

It figured out he was Clark…and Lex fired the scientist for wasting company resources because he COULDN’T BELIEVE that Superman would ever “Pretend” to be human because it would mean pretending to be “Weak”

90% of Superman’s disguise is everyone else doing the work for him

the best secret identity of all.

I love every version of this post because they are all beautiful.

madzielightbane:

the BEST part of mamma mia (2008) one of the greatest movies ever made:

the (purposeful?) lack of effort put into the flashbacks, just straight up putting a wig on 47 year old colin firth, 55 year old pierce brosnan, and 56 year old stellan skarsgard and saying they’re all like 20 (TWENTY) is a level of iconic very few movies possess 

fiddler-on-the-starship:

Whenever I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

• Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
• Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
• Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.
• There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.
• Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
• The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.
• Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”
• Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”
• Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
• Voldemort wears high heels.
• Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
• Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
• Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?
• The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.
• Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”
• Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
• James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
• Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
• Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
• Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
• McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
  
• Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
• Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.
• The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
• Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
• This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
• And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
• “Azerbaijan”
• “Hoes of Wax”
• “Tom Bombodil”
  
• “Cornelio Fuck”
• “Professor Slutborn”
• “Preacher McGongol”
• “Lumpkin”
• “TaEbory”
• “The Bark Lord”
•  “Vadermort”

glitchlight:

glitchlight:

glitchlight:

theres a big martian dust storm rn and its not clear if opportunity will survive

sci fi writers: humans dont care about robots

me, crying: OPPORTUNITY HONEY YOU CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN YOU

Important clarification 

1)  Mars Rovers have to run heaters constantly (especially at night) because Mars is cold and they have sensitive electronics.  Opportunity has had to shut down its heater because it hasn’t been able to draw enough power over the past few weeks; the danger is that Opportunity may not survive the few days its expected for the dust storm to clear up. The other currently operating rover, Curiosity is younger and has more advanced panels, batteries, and, most importantly, an onboard RTG (tl;dr: nuclear power source) that means dust storms aren’t as threatening to it. Opportunity has some radioactive heaters too, but they’re older, smaller, and have less power output. It’s survived dust storms in the past but every one is always a risk.

and 2)

THEIR OFFICIAL TWITTER CALLS IT OPPY, OPPY I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! 

bidoof:

look if movies being like 2.5 hours long is just gonna be the norm from now on then we gotta bring back intermissions. please let me piss.

johnnyjoestarrelatable:

rb if you’re a bi bitch who loves carbs

neglectedrainbow:

neglectedrainbow:

neglectedrainbow:

what does it mean if a girl you thought was straight asks if you wanna see Love Simon (2018) together??? ? 

update: this is the same girl who saw the movie Carol with me last year

update 2: i went over to her house after school today because she bought love simon on amazon and wanted to watch it again and like halfway through the movie SHE LEANED OVER AND FUCKING KISSED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAYS HAPPY DAY ME HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y’ALL I’M LIVING MY BEST LIFE